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10 Signs Your Cat is Planning to Kill You!

  1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
  2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
  3. He actually _does_ have your tongue.
  4. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
  5. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
  6. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
  7. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
  8. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
  9. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  10. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

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