10 Signs Your Cat is Planning to Kill You!
- Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
- Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
- He actually _does_ have your tongue.
- You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
- Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
- You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
- As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
- Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
- Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
- Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.